After many years of comparing myself to other women in ALL areas of life, I have FINALLY drawn the conclusion: Beauty needs NO comparison; only an eye AND a heart to behold it …… ♥
How do we develop an eye or heart to perceive our own beauty when the world is consumed with judging and assessing? Oh, I realize there is the saying: ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’; yet, I can’t help but wonder how many of us honor this unique approach to the world around us?
Upholding beauty is a demonstration of value; an appreciation for the intrinsic connection binding us to everyone and everything; reminding us that we are ALL divinely part of this rhythmic dance known as creation as well as unique expressions of the entire Universe.
So, what’s to compare?
Given these insights, nothing; however, up until a few days ago, I held myself as an isolated soul struggling to exist inside this vessel made of skin and bones. AND, it’s fair to say, I was pissed because God must have made a mistake leaving me here to find my way amongst so many others lost within their own worlds!!! Talk about living a life of duality …. me against the world because NOBODY was reliable; no matter the promises made to assist or support me, it never happened. So, I did what any normal human being would do. I adopted the ‘party of one’ attitude. I didn’t need anyone for anything. I, and I alone, could do ‘it’ just fine. Which explains why I haven’t had much luck in relationships. These guys were useless and did not live up to their promises.
Oh, and then there’s the relationship with God. What relationship? If I can’t depend on a human being, how in the world can I depend on an entity I don’t really even know exists? I can’t see him or her; so, now what? I assumed the role of creator in my own life, never calling on the Divine for help BECAUSE, I have lost people and seen bad things happen AND I couldn’t let that happen any longer. Long story short, I took control and lived a very isolated life.
In summary, I battled addictions, eating disorders, abuse, self-deprivation, martyr-ism and so on. I also experienced love for and from my kids, financial success as well as a slow decline into the very depths of my soul. The latter is what brings me to today. Nonetheless, the question begs, how does such an independent person such as myself become encumbered with such issues and comparisons? One word, ego! Put another way, disconnection…..
Four years ago, I left life as I knew it because I knew there had to be more. I gave away ALL of my belongings with the exception of a couple suitcases, a car and my cat. I traveled between 3 states seeking what already existed inside this vessel … me! However, there were many miles to cover in order to get there and the rewards are proving to be far more usable than any credit card company or airline can offer!
Even though I experienced quite a few amazing things along the way, I upped my game over the last few weeks, and altered my journey to include some of the most profound moments yet. The first one penetrating the very core of being a woman. I participated in a healing cleanse that resulted in days of purification. With the amplification of hormones, I began to feel things I haven’t felt in years which were compounded by my partner’s major life accomplishment: I felt worthless, less than, not good enough, not pretty enough, not sexy enough, too hard, not creative enough, and so on. Unfortunately / fortunately, all of this has come up in conversation after conversation. Unfortunately, because he has to ‘deal’ with it. Fortunately, because I’m getting it out after being repressed for so many years. During the course of our conversations, he has told me countless times how he wants to contribute to my life; how I would benefit from receiving (as would he) … oh, and when I refused to take money from him one day, he made the statement: ‘you’re killing me’!
I see everyone as Divine messengers and this comment was nothing less than a message from God. I am restricting myself SO much in ALL areas of life by trying to do it alone that I am killing myself!!! Sadly, for as much as I believe in and practice spirituality, I have not been allowing any contribution from the Divine until THAT moment when my partner kindly reflected the impact I am having on my world! That night, I had an equally powerful dream, with the only scene I can recall being the one where I’m standing on a pier with at least 100 whales saluting me with their tails. In Native American lore, whales symbolize being in touch with the highest aspect of your emotional self AND creativity. Well, for as much as this made sense, it didn’t resonate with me because I’ve never thought of myself as creative. However, as the Universe guides us, I found myself at a book reading about Jesus, just 3 days before Christmas. After about 4 hours of reading and discussion, we touched on something that pulled it all together for me: in order to heal, we must connect with our feminine nature with the intent of connecting to our mother. In doing so, we’re then able to intimately connect with the Divine Mother which is where ultimate creation occurs. Whether or not this means anything to you, I don’t know; so, the best explanation I have is this: creation is Divine nature. Whether it’s a man and woman creating a baby or you creating a painting, or me creating a relationship or health. It takes connecting to something bigger than this human vessel in order to see it through. I can only do so much. You can only do so much. However, when we unite, then the possibilities expand. When we call on and allow the Divine to work through us, the result is extraordinarily beautiful and beyond compare. On the other hand, when we fall into comparing ourselves to our past or to others, we are limiting our ability to create / to expand. Comparison squelches our light and for those of us wanting to ascend into a higher vibration, then we must allow the beauty of light to guide us!
Beauty is a superlative energy that exists within our hearts, complimenting the world around.